


It's my head not my heart that's straight

by corktree



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Fluff, M/M, angry dorian is so funny help, first post oops, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 21:44:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3503870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corktree/pseuds/corktree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dorian and Cullen are a secret, and Dorian prefers it another way.<br/>----<br/>this is a gift for my best friend Jennifer, happy birthday darling, idk what i'd do without you.<br/>---<br/>i proofread this once, at 1am while i was tipsy as shit so im sorry if it sucks, i thinks its ok tbh,</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's my head not my heart that's straight

Cullen isn’t oblivious, Cullen sees the stares, and he hears the whispers of rumors all over Skyhold. As a Commander of the Inquisition, he shouldn’t let them bother him right? Right, but oh so wrong in reality. Every time he just merely spoke to Dorian Pavus, people whisper and stare. Whether they are speaking well or not, it didn’t matter to Cullen because it wasn’t their _damn_ business in the first place. Rumors were rumors, but when those rumors are secretly true, that’s when Cullen starts to break a sweat fending them off with questionable answers and rude snaps of his tongue. But at night when the Tevinter mage sneaks into his room and snuggles close to him to fend off the cold atmosphere of Skyhold, Cullen forgets it all and remembers that it’s all okay because he has Dorian, whether or not everyone knows or doesn’t he has Dorian in his arms right now.

Dorian isn’t oblivious either, but it builds up in him. All of Skyhold knew that Dorian prefers the company of men, but they didn’t know that the man of his attention liked the company of men as well. The only man to break down his barriers of jokes and sharp tongued comments never admitted it to anyone of their love. Now, Dorian wasn’t one for a big proclamation of love in front of the entirety of Skyhold, but a nice, subtle ‘Yes, I love Dorian,’ slipping out between Cullen’s lips would mean the entire world to him. Dorian wanted to punch that pretty face of Cullen’s every time he denied to anyone that they had something. He wanted to punch that pretty face every time Cullen blushed when Dorian flirted with him. Hell, he wanted to punch Cullen so bad because he _loved_ the man, in a way he never did with another man, but Cullen never shared it with anyone, as if Cullen was embarrassed.  And at night when he sneaks into the Commander’s quarters and he slips in between the blonde’s arms, he remembers that Cullen is his, but he _almost_ forgets that no one knows. And that single thought leaves him awake long after his Commander has drifted asleep.

This happens every day. Every _damn_ day. And Dorian is sick of it. Cullen will find some sort of obscure reason leave his office and go to the library to see Dorian, but the exact moment Dorian leans in for a small kiss, Cullen will push Dorian away.

‘Not in public Dorian, you know what they will say,’ is what slips out of the pretty lips of the Commander.

Dorian tries hard, he tries so _fucking_ hard, not to look hurt. He’s about to burst and yell at Cullen, but he sees the sad look in Cullen’s puppy-dog eyes, and he gets it, only a bit though. Cullen has a reputation, and he needs to keep it up if the Inquisition is to gain anymore allies. But as Cullen turns to leave the only thought going through Dorian’s head isn’t about how much he loves the Commander, it’s _‘is his reputation really more important than me?’_

Then one day, Dorian gets really fed up. He was about to walk into Cullen’s office, when he heard Mother Giselle talking to Cullen, more like arguing. He pressed his ear up against door.

‘Commander, are you sure you and Dorian have no _romantic_ interest in each other?’ Mother Giselle’s voice sounded so concerned, as if the very idea of Dorian and Cullen being together was worse than a hole in the sky.

‘I can assure you Mother Giselle, Dorian and I are nothing more than friends.’ Cullen said with a slight chuckle. A _chuckle_ , as if what Dorian and Cullen were, was a joke to him. There’s pain in Dorian’s heart, a lot of it.

‘Your men think otherwise Commander.’

‘Whether or not they mean well with the gossip, I’ll tell my men myself about this. I only need them to think the highest of me Mother Giselle. As a Commander, my personal affairs are not of their business, and my relations to Dorian are nothing more than friends. No need to worry.’

It’s the way Cullen says it that sets Dorian on fire. Dorian puts on his smirk, because he knows what he’s going to do now. He straightens his clothes and bursts through the doors.

‘Ah, what is this I hear? Rumors of me and the Commander of the Inquisition? How odd! I don’t see a problem in that Mother Giselle. But if you need any more reassurance, Cullen and I are just friends. Nothing more and nothing less. We have and will not be more than that, though that would set tongues wagging would it not Cullen?’ Dorian looks at Cullen, his smirk says playful banter, but his eyes tell another story. And it leaves Cullen speechless.

‘Uh, Yes. It would,’ is all that Cullen can muster to say at this point.

Dorian looks back at Mother Giselle. ‘Anything Cullen’s men claim to have seen or heard was just playful banter between us. But there’s nothing wrong with my preference is there Mother Giselle?’ Dorian tilts his head.

‘I do not mean offense by my question. I am sorry if I did. I do not have a problem with your preference Dorian.’ Mother Giselle bows her head apologetically and leaves the room.

Now there was only Dorian, Cullen and a lot of tension. The tension was so thick in the air that not even the Inquisitor could cut through it.

‘Dorian,’ Cullen began softly.

‘Don’t you dare Cullen,’ Dorian spat not daring to look at the man.

‘I thought it didn’t bother you. I thought you were okay with us being a secret,’ Cullen began to walk over to Dorian, but with each step he took to Dorian, Dorian took one back.

‘At first it didn’t. But now it does. The way you say it with such convection bothers me. The way you get mad at me when I attempt to kiss you quickly, even when there it clearly _no one there,_ bothers me. The way you try so _fucking_ hard to keep us a secret bothers me,’ Dorian’s voice was rising and it was scaring Cullen. The only time he’d seen Dorian like this was when Dorian saw his father again.

‘But Dorian, you know how this is seen from outsiders. It wouldn’t be good-,’ Cullen tried to explain.

‘It wouldn’t be _good?_ Are you saying we are not _good?_ Are you telling me that we are not- Are you telling me that you are _ashamed_ of me? Tell me; is your reputation more important than me, than _us?_ Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty damn sure I am. I am right, right _Amatus?’_ A word filled with love was now spat with poison by Dorian.

‘Dorian, it’s just that,’ Cullen practically whispers.

‘See, I am right. It’s bad for you to be in a relationship with a Tevinter mage, let alone a _man._ Don’t you dare try to correct me, because everything you’ve done up to now proves me right,’ Dorian leaves the room, not letting Cullen say another word.

Now all that was left in the room was Cullen and an overwhelming feeling of guilt and something more than all-consuming sadness.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Days and days passed, and maybe Dorian was right. Maybe Cullen really thought Dorian was a shame to him. Dorian wanted Cullen to fight for him, but clearly Cullen was up to it. Maybe it was because Dorian ran out so fast, maybe this was slightly his fault, but either way it proved Dorian was right. And the only way to make him feel better was to feel nothing at all. In Skyhold that was to go to the Herald’s Rest and drink himself to a point of no return.

But today, he couldn’t. Dorian was much too tired to even pick up a glass. So there he sat, on a barstool , fingers linger on the glass, and sighs escaping his mouth. Then another sat next to him, with a raised eyebrow he looked over, it was Sera.

‘Looks like that drink ain’t gonna drink itself yeah?’ Sera nodded at the glass.

‘I suppose so, do you want it?’ Dorian placed the drink on the bar table in front of Sera.

‘Thanks mate,’ Sera took a swig of the liquor, and let out a nice loud burp. ‘So, you and Cullen yeah?’She asked curiously.

Dorian’s ears perked up at that. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘You and Cullen knocking boots yeah?’ Sera practically snorted.

‘Dear Maker what are you saying?’ Dorian sounded exasperated.

‘You and Cullen shagging, boffing, taking a spin on the ol’ tallywag, rolling in the hay, making the beast with two back-‘

‘Okay, I think we covered every euphemism in the book Sera.’ Dorian said really not wanting to hear anything else about the topic.

 ‘Well, are ya two really a thing?’

Dorian had to pause, are they still something after the incident? Dorian decided to do what he’s done for the past few months.

‘No, we’re not. Just friends, good old pals,’ Dorian gritted through his teeth.

‘Well, that’s not what the ol’ Commander is telling everyone,’ Sera took a swig of the liquor again.

Dorian’s breath hitched. ‘Kaffas, what are you talking about Sera?’

‘What I heard was that he told Josephine about you guys and we all know how well Josephine is at keeping things like that a secret. Anyway, people heard, and people asked him. He didn’t hesitate to say yes when I asked about it.’ Sera told Dorian as if it wasn’t anything. But to Dorian this was _everything._

Dorian smiled to myself and looked at Sera, ‘Well, I guess we are a real thing now.’

‘Did you two get into a little quarrel or something? That’s why you’re sitting here having a drinking pity party for yourself?’

‘Something like that.’ Dorian said brushing it off his shoulder because now that didn’t matter.

‘Damn, didn’t know Commander had it in him. Relationships everywhere these days, you and Cullen, Josephine and Treveleyan, Cassandra and Verric, remind me to find myself a lady, yeah?’ Sera put down the glass and stepped down from the barstool. ‘Cullen’s on the battlements if you need him,’ and with that she walked away. Dorian knew what he had to do.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dorian quietly snuck up behind Cullen as he was just staring out into the mountains surrounding Skyhold.

‘Cullen,’ Dorian called to him.

Cullen turned around, he looked so happy like a child at a carnival. ‘Dorian, you’re here.’

‘Yes, I am,’ Dorian looked at Cullen and smiled.

‘What brings you here?’

‘Well, I heard the strangest thing today.’

Cullen raised an eyebrow slightly, ‘Is that so? What did you hear?’ He asked as if he didn’t know already.

‘I heard that we were in a relationship! And according to Sera we’re ‘boffing’.’

‘What in Andraste’s name is _boffing_?’

‘Shagging, taking a spin on the ol’ tallywag, rolling in the hay,’ Dorian noticed the confusion growing on Cullen’s face as listed everything he previously heard from Sera. ‘Oh Maker, it means we’re fucking Cullen!’ There, there it is - the famous blushing from Cullen- one of the cutest things about him to Dorian.

Cullen cleared his throat, ‘Uhm, well, uh,’ was all he could muster.

‘Cullen you’re missing the point. Sera told me you told Josephine about us, and you told Sera the rumors were true,’ Dorian’s voice softened.

Cullen smiled, ‘Yes, that is true.’

Dorian walked closer to Cullen, ‘What did you say?’

‘I told them ‘Yes, I do love Dorian Pavus,’ Cullen smiled.

‘But what about everything before, nobility and others looking at this wrongly?’

‘Maker’s Breath, Dorian. Don’t you see? None of that matters to me anymore. I didn’t have you for days, and I left so dead, everyone noticed, and it pained me to see you drinking yourself to nothing at all because of me. Without you nothing matters to me, and with you I don’t care about other have to say because we will defeat Corypheus with or without those alliances, and if anyone speaks ill about us, well it won’t look nice for them.’ Cullen spoke so sincerely, it broke Dorian’s heart to remember yelling at him about all of this.

Dorian rushed to hug Cullen, not caring who saw because it didn’t matter who saw this time. They were out, open and free, they can do what they want now and it feels exhilarating. Dorian could feel Cullen smiling, Dorian smiled as well, and in that moment Dorian knew that everything was going to be okay.

‘I’m sorry Dorian, I should’ve known. I would never intentionally hurt you, I’m so sorry,’ Cullen whispered in Dorian’s ear.

‘It’s okay. I’m okay, you’re okay, and _we’re_ okay. We have each other now. That’s all that matters now, _Amatus,’_ Dorian whispered back, smiling so sweetly and happily.

They removed each other from each other’s arms and looked at each other longingly.

‘So, what does the almighty Dorian wish to do now?’ Cullen asked.

‘Oh, I know one thing I want to do in _several_ ways,’ Dorian smirked looking Cullen up and down. Cullen blushed once again, damn his pale skin. ‘Come on now, let’s get to work to make up for lost time.’ Dorian grabbed Cullen’s hand and pulled him away from the battlements, neither party stopped smiling until they reached Cullen’s quarters and started undressing.

 

 

     

 

**Author's Note:**

> that's that folks, happy birthday jen i hope you liked it, and i hope everyone who reads this likes it


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